I Do...

You probably thought I was going to write a little something about newly married couples, but I just used the title “I Do” to reel you in like an expert fisherman. (although I’m not very good at fishing and don’t fish very often) Have you ever found yourself sitting alone after a fight with your spouse thinking about some of things you both said to each other, wondering if an outsider would think you are even sane after observing your recent exchange? I have caught myself wondering at times how I can profess a committed relationship with Christ, complete with consistent spiritual disciplines of prayer, Bible reading, regular church attendance, etc., and yet be so obviously disobedient to God’s will in my relationship with my spouse. Now are you tracking with me? It’s sometimes easy after a crazy exchange with your spouse to quickly assume they really aren’t attempting to connect with God the way they claim to be, but before jumping to that conclusion let’s be reminded of what the apostle Paul says in Romans...

Romans 7: 14-25 “We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Now that you’re shaking your head trying to figure out what that was all about, let’s put some practical application to those verses. I do, don’t do, want to do, if I do, hate what I do..... in verses 14-23 Paul is focused in on what he is and isn’t doing and how all this could be happening. In marriage, it is easy for both spouses to become focused on what needs to be done and what their spouse needs to stop doing. This is definitely important as you need to begin creating new habits in your relationship and you need to eliminate those things that continue to devalue one another. What we can’t lose sight of is the importance of the one we are counting on to show up and change both our individual lives and our marriage. After Paul finishes his ten verse rant about how he can possibly quit doing the things he doesn’t want to do he realizes that it’s not the HOW, but the WHO! Verse 25- “Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

Understanding your spouse begins with an understanding that there is no goodness in either of you, but by God’s grace Christ delivers us from those things of the flesh that war with our spirit. Understand that your battle is not against the person you share your bed with, but that there is a spiritual war at work in your marriage. Not only is it good to be equipped with practical communication and conflict resolution skills, but you need to know how to battle spiritually based on who is leading you to victory. Make sure you develop and maintain consistent prayer and Bible reading time as you trust God to mold your marriage into a relationship that brings Him glory.